The Sweet Nightmare
by mamaXunicorn
Summary: Rick Castle remembers the worst moment of his life. Spoilers for Knockout.


There was a glare off something in the distance, something that was not supposed to be there. Everything was eerily quiet as Kate delivered her speech. Every single eye was on her listening intently and hanging on her every word about the dearly departed Captain Montgomery. All eyes except Richard Castle. Standing just several feet away he saw the flicker of light in the distance and it took him far too long to realize what it was.

Achingly slow he whipped his head towards Kate, his eyes widening in horror. He leapt towards her, screaming out her name. Like a bomb going off, he heard the bullet enter Kate's chest, saw her face twist up in shock and pain, and very faintly, as he tackled her to the ground, heard the screams of the people surrounding them.

He lifted himself up as fast as he could, quickly scanning over Kate's body, hoping, daring that somehow the bullet had missed her. His heart dropped deep into his stomach at the sight of the bullet hole in her chest accompanied by her dark red blood spilling out onto her uniform.

Her body lay still under his, her eyes locked on his face as he tried desperately to hold her. "Kate...stay with me Kate." He whispered brokenly and swallowed back tears as she struggled for breath. "Don't leave me, please. Stay with me okay?" His voice broke as he pleaded with her but she would not respond. Her usually bright and slightly patronizing eyes were dull and getting more and more lifeless by the second.

"Kate." Her name left his lips in a soft sob. "I love you." He had longed to tell her those three words for so very long. This was the last way he ever expected them to leave his lips but she needed to know. If she was going to die, she needed to know that Richard Castle loved her. "I love you Kate."

A brief look of recognition crossed Kate's face and then a single breath left her lips and her dull eyes fluttered closed and she sunk, limp, into the grass.

"Kate." His hand gently cupped the side of her face and a single tear rolled down the bridge of his nose, landing on Kate's uniform. "Kate." His thumb brushed under her closed eyes, wiping away the single tear that slowly cascaded down her pale cheek, "Come back to me, Kate."

His lower lip trembled as he tried desperately to hold back the cry that was forcing its way up to his mouth.

His other hand found its way to her face and he held her firmly yet gently in his grasp, trying to will back any life into her. "Don't you dare do this Kate! You're too strong! Kate!"

He closed his eyes, letting a few more tears stream down his cheeks upon realizing that Kate was not waking up. "Kate." He finally broke as a string of helpless whimpers escaped his lips and supporting her limp body with one hand behind her neck he brought her up to his chest, burying his face into her hair.

He could feel Kate's blood soaking through his shirt, he could still hear the people screaming and crying in the background, he could hear the sirens in the distance but none of it was louder than the sound of his heart breaking. His own painful sobs as he realized that Kate Beckett might die and he would have to go on without this extraordinary woman in his life. She was his muse, his partner, his _everything._

He rocked her body back and forth in his arms, whispering her name over and over again.

He wasn't sure how long he was sitting there with Kate in his arms but the next thing he knew he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was a small hand, feminine, possibly his mother or Alexis. He didn't want to leave Kate, he couldn't leave Kate. He brought her body in closer to his, like a child who was afraid to lose his teddy bear, and closed his eyes tightly hoping they'd leave him.

"Rick." The voice was definitely female and familiar. Too familiar.

His eyes shot open and he found himself looking into the familiar, concerned eyes of one Katherine Beckett.

"Kate!" He shot up and she reeled back, her brow raising in surprise. His eyes scanned her frantically only to see her dressed in a white nightgown and not in the blood soaked officers uniform she had been in just seconds ago.

"Kate..." He whispered and captured her face in his hands, running his fingers along the smooth skin of her face. Her brow shot into her hair line as she observed his actions. "Rick...what are you doing?"

"You're alive." He whispered, running his hand gently down to her neck to feel her lightly throbbing pulse beneath his fingertips.

"Of course I'm alive." She gently wrapped her hands around his wrists and pulled them away from her neck so now they were resting lightly on her thighs. "What's going on, Rick?"

He stared down at their now conjoined hands and the dim light filtering in through the window glinted off the matching bands around both of their left ring fingers. He swallowed thickly and released her hands to wipe away the tears that were drying on his cheeks.

"Nothing." He whispered, slowly lowering himself back onto the bed. "It's nothing." He rolled onto his side, staring off at the wall.

"Oh no you don't." She roughly grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back so he was lying on his back. "Richard Castle, it is certainly not like you to wake me up in the middle of the night crying my name. Explain, now."

He ran a hand over his face, sighing heavily and then turned his head to lock eyes with his wife. Kate stared down at him sternly and he knew he wouldn't be able to get out of it.

He averted his eyes to where one of his hands now rested on her bare thigh and very lightly he began to rub his fingers against her skin.

"What were you dreaming about, Rick?" Kate's voice was soft and demanding.

"Captain Montgomery's funeral." He muttered and heard Kate's breath catch. "It was so real Kate, I could feel everything I felt that day. It's like I was there again, watching you die in my arms and I couldn't do a thing about it. I couldn't save you I..."

"Hey." She cut him off, placing a finger over his lips. "Castle, look at me."

Slowly he glanced up at her and through the darkness saw that smile that always made him melt.

"That was three years ago, Rick. I'm fine." Her words did nothing to reassure him and the frown deepened on his face. Kate sighed and shifted so she was lying beside him, her head rested in the crook of his shoulder.

"That was the worst moment of my life." He whispered after a few long moments of silence. "Thinking you were dead, knowing that if I had just saw it sooner..."

"And what Castle? Taken the bullet for me?"

"I would take a thousand bullets for you Kate."

She propped herself up on her elbow and tilted her head sideways to look at him. "That bullet was meant for me, Castle."

"Doesn't matter." He shook his head. "I still should have..."

"Then you'd be the one with the bullet in your chest."

"Better me than you."

"Stop that." She scowled.

"I would gladly give my life for you."

"Castle," Her voice dropped lower and he winced, knowing the tone very well. "Enough, alright?"

He bowed his head, his frown deepening and stared at his chest silently. Kate acted swiftly and threw her leg around him so she was straddling his waist. His head shot up in surprise and he eyed her curiously. Her lips curled up in a soft, warm smile and she slowly leaned forward, lifting her hands to run her fingers through his thick, dark hair. She trailed her fingers all the way down to his neck and very lightly traced the collar of his night shirt. She felt him shudder beneath her and her smile turned into a smirk. Without a word she leaned in closer, pressing her chest against his and smothering his lips with a tender kiss.

She heard him growl from his throat and gripping onto his shoulders tightly, pressed harder against his mouth. "Kate." He gasped against her mouth and she took the opportunity of his open mouth to deepen the kiss. He responded immediately, one of his hands flying to her hair to keep her head in place and the other resting on her thigh and slowly starting to make its way up her body.

She giggled a bit uncharacteristically as Rick's fingers danced lightly against her bare stomach. "Rick..." She mumbled in protest against his lips and he chuckled devilishly. He spared his wife and moved his fingers to her back, causing her to moan instead as he traced her spine.

Just as things started to really heat up, Rick found his way back to her front and gently caressed the underside of her breasts and made his way towards the valley when his fingers brushed over the healed scar of her near-fatal shooting three years prior.

His whole body froze and Kate sighed, pulling away from his mouth. "Rick..."

"How can you treat this like it was nothing?" He asked, his voice low and void of emotion.

"It was nothing."

His eyes snapped darkly to hers. "You almost _died, _Kate. How is that _nothing?_"

"It's not but Rick," She gently stroked his cheek, "The point is that I didn't die and we caught the bastard that did it."

"Yeah but what if..."

"No, stop. I don't want to hear what if's. You married a cop Castle, you're going to have to live with the fact that I'm at risk all the time. Yes, maybe one day there will be a day when you can't save me and I could die..."

Rick opened his mouth to reply but she slapped a hand over his mouth and smiled at the adorable puppy-dog expression in his cobalt eyes.

"...but you don't _know_, Castle. We could both live to be one hundred years old and die peacefully in our sleep. So stop worrying about it."

Rick mumbled something against her hand and she rolled her eyes, removing her hand from his mouth.

"I love you, Kate Castle." His words and the sincerity in his eyes took her breath away. "And I will continue to worry about you until the day I die whether you like it or not."

"Oh Castle..." She sighed contentedly, smiling down at him, stretching back down to lay on his chest. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Well you could not leave me a widower for one."

She playfully slapped his chest and he allowed a smirk to cross his lips. She gripped onto his shirt and pulled herself in closer to him, kissing his lips softly. "I love you." She whispered.

His smirk turned smug and his arm swung around her delicate frame and held her tight against him. Then swiftly he flipped them over and pressed her into the mattress.

"Richard..." She purred in delight, grinning up at him.

He growled in response and dove in, capturing her lips in a searing, passionate kiss.


End file.
